Transforming Your Life: 21 Must-Read Books for Mental Health and Relationships

In the fast-paced world we live in, taking care of your mental health and nurturing your relationships is more important than ever before. Whether you’re seeking insights into managing stress, building meaningful connections, or simply looking for a source of inspiration, books can give words to your experience as you strive for improved mental well-being and stronger relationships. Here, I’ve curated a list of 21 must-read books that offer wisdom and practical advice for both aspects of your journey.

Here are some things that I want you to know about this list. The books listed below are books that I have either read or am very familiar with. I often recommend them to clients and clients often find them helpful. This is not an exhaustive list but a starting point. When you read one book, you may discover additional books I haven’t listed here. I recommend that you read through this list and start with one that piques your curiosity. 

With these tips in mind, I hope you find this list useful. Please know that I am an Amazon Associate and that I earn a small commission when you purchase a book from one of these links. That commission goes to support this work and at no additional cost to you.

Books on depression and anxiety

The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Revers the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time by Alex Korb, PhD explores the brain science behind depression. He emphasizes the concept of “upward spirals,” where one small positive change in a person’s life can make it easier to take other small steps toward improved mood and mental health. Read this book if you’re looking for small, actionable steps that you can take to improve your mental health.

Anxiety Gone: The Three C’s of Anxiety Recovery, written by Stanley Hibbs, PhD gives a brief overview of how to overcome anxiety and live a calmer and more relaxed life. This book is so short that you could finish it within one day and come away equipped to address panic attacks, social anxiety, and phobias. Because it is short and simple, I highly recommend this book for teens, too.

Books Related to Trauma Recovery.

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma, written by trauma expert Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., explores the effects of trauma on the human body, mind, and brain. He explains the science of trauma, highlighting how traumatic memories can become stored in the body and lead to various psychological and physical symptoms. Dr. van der Kolk explores different interventions that can help individuals recover from trauma and find healing.

Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness Using IFS, A Cutting-Edge Psychotherapy, a book written by Jay Earley, introduces Internal Family Systems (IFS), a therapeutic technique that focuses on exploring and understanding one’s internal “parts” – the different aspects of a person’s psyche – and rebuild trust with oneself. I have listed this book in this section because loss of trust with oneself is a common problem with complex trauma; however, IFS is a good approach for anyone who wants to improve their relationship with themselves.The book offers step-by-step instructions on how to apply IFS techniques for self-discovery, healing, and personal growth. It empowers readers to engage in a self-therapy process to address inner conflicts and develop a harmonious relationship with one’s inner “parts”. 

Self-Therapy Workbook: An Exercise Book for the IFS Process, written by Bonnie J. Weiss LCSW, is a companion guide to Self-Therapy by Jay Earley. The workbook offers readers practical exercises to explore their inner world, identify various “parts” of themselves, and work toward healing and integration. Though this is a companion workbook, I think that it gives enough information about the IFS process for it to stand alone.

The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith, written by Grief Recovery Institute founders John W. James and Russell Friedman guides individuals through the complex journey of grief. Drawing on their experience in the grief recovery field, the authors offer a step-by-step approach to help readers process and heal from various forms of loss, such as death, divorce, or any significant life change. The first half of the book challenges the common misconceptions about grief and how to effectively address and resolve unresolved emotions. I have listed this book in this section because grief and loss are a common part of the trauma experience; however, this is a useful resource for loss due to any reason.

Books on breaking free of abuse

Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, written by  Lundy Bancroft, and drawn from his years of experience working with both perpetrators and victims of domestic violence, dives into the psychology and patterns of abusive behavior in relationships; Bancraft wrote this book primarily for a female audience. If you have tried everything imaginable to make your relationship work and you’re still scratching you head wondering what’s going on, then I recommend this book. It sheds light on the various tactics, attitudes, and beliefs that abusive individuals use to control and manipulate their partners. It offers guidance on recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship, making informed decisions about one’s safety, and finding ways to heal and move forward.

Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Knowing if Your Relationship Can–and Should–be Saved, another book written by Lundy Bancroft, offers guidance on evaluating whether to continue the relationship or to leave for the sake of personal well-being. Written primarily for individuals experiencing abusive or harmful relationships, this book provides insights into the different types of abusive behavior, their impact on victims, and the potential for change in the abuser. I highly recommend this book if you are grappling with the difficult decision of staying in your relationship or leaving it.

Books on setting boundaries

Set Boundaries, Find Peace, written by licensed therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, focuses on the importance of establishing healthy boundaries if you want to decrease stress, improve mental health, and enjoy more satisfying relationships. The book is simple and straightforward and addresses boundary-setting with family, friends, and coworkers. Tawwab offers practical advice on how to set boundaries, and includes a lot of sample scripts to get you started. 

Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships, a relationship guide also written by Nedra Glover Tawwab aims to help readers identify dysfunctional family patterns and learn how to break cycles of unhealthy relationships. The book covers a range of issues including the trauma of emotional neglect, the legacy of addicted or absent parents, mental health struggles in relatives, and more. By reading this guide you can gain the tools you need to take control of your life, heal from past family-related wounds, and honor your true self.

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, written by Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, addresses the challenges faced by individuals raised by parents who lack emotional maturity. This book covers common traits of emotionally immature parents, the effect on their children, and how to heal and develop healthier relationships in adulthood. It offers practical advice on how to navigate your relationship with your parents in a way that honors the relationship while honoring your emotional needs.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offers insights and practical advice on setting boundaries in various aspects of life. The authors use a combination of psychological principles, biblical wisdom, and real-life examples to illustrate their concepts and to provide a framework to develop healthier relationships and lead a more balanced life.

Codependent No More written by Melody Beattie is an influential book in the field of codependency. The book addresses this dysfunctional and often unhealthy way of relating to others often at the expense of yourself. The book provides guidance and understanding of the root cause of codependency and teaches how to set healthy boundaries, develop self-esteem, and gain independence and self-reliance. Read this book if you want to learn how to focus on your own well-being rather than fixate on the problems of others.

Books on dating and marriage

How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk: The Foolproof Way to Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind by Dr. John Van Epp teaches readers how to make wise choices in their pursuit of love. In the book, Dr. Van Epp introduces the Relationship Attachment Model as a guide to assess potential romantic partners. The book emphasizes the importance of getting to know someone before committing to them. I recommend this resource if you want to establish a healthy relationship while avoiding the pitfalls of falling for the wrong person.

Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by Dr. John Gottman distills decades of research into seven principles that, when followed, can improve the success of your marriage. Dr. Gottman filled this book with simple exercises to help you improve your intimate relationship. This is a valuable resource if you want to strengthen your relationship and improve communication.

Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix teaches how to communicate in a way that will increase intimacy and connection. The book is based on Imago Relationship Therapy which Hendrix and his wife developed. He teaches that many of the challenges in an intimate relationship stem from difficulty in our relationships with our primary caregivers when we were children. The book provides practical exercises that will help couples increase empathy, improve communication, and heal from past relationship wounds. This book has been influential in the field of couples therapy and has helped many people transform their relationships.

Hold Me Tight is a book by Dr. Sue Johnson, the creator of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples. In her book, Dr. Johnson goes beyond the “tools” for building an intimate relationship. She argues that the key to a fulfilling relationship is emotional connection. She teaches how to recognize negative communication cycles and how to change them for improved intimacy, empathy, and healing. This book offers a compassionate approach for any couple that wants to build a more loving and resilient partnership.

An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald is a workbook for couples who want to understand and build a secure bond with their partner. The workbook walks couples through Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples (EFT) -based exercises aimed at helping couples to tune into their emotions and needs and to communicate them to their partner in a way that brings their partner close. This workbook is for couples who no longer want to sweep emotions under the rug but want to understand how to respectfully acknowledge and work through each other’s emotional experiences.

Books on Parenting

Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy is a parenting book that provides a fresh perspective on raising children. In her book, Dr. Kennedy prioritizes connecting with children over correcting them. She offers practical strategies that helps parents transition from uncertainty to confidence in parenting. While many authors can leave parents feeling guilty and ashamed, Dr. Becky has a way of helping parents to feel supported and empowered as parents. This book is a valuable resources for parents seeking compassionate but effective parenting advice.

The Whole-Brain Child is a bestselling book by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson that helps parents understand how to support their children’s emotional development. The authors draw from the latest research in neuroscience to explain how a child’s brain functions and develops and teach how to promote emotional intelligence, foster empathy, and help children develop better self-regulation skills. If you’re looking for practical advice on how to better connect with and support your children, then this is a valuable book to read.

No-Drama Discipline, another book written by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, and also drawing from the latest research of developmental neuroscience, provides parents with practical skills for helping children develop self-control and emotional regulation. The key concept of the book is to shift away from punitive discipline and toward a more empathetic and understanding approach. They provide strategies for communicating with children in a way that will maintain a strong parent-child bond even during moments of discipline. Read this book if you’re looking for more constructive and harmonious ways to discipline and support your children’s emotional development.

Remember, this is a starting place. Feel free to pick and choose from this list of books for mental health and relationships to aid you in this part of your healing journey. If you would like help applying your reading to your unique situation, (and you’re a resident of Washington State) schedule a free consultation. If you’re not a resident but would like to stay in touch, sign up for email updates.

Thank you for trusting me with this part of your healing journey.